Hans Guttermann (born 1889, Zürich; died 1961, Basel) was a Swiss theoretical philosopher and minor academic whose primary, though largely unacknowledged, contribution to 20th-century physics lies in his work concerning the subjective nature of entropic progression. Guttermann was educated at the University of Zurich and the ETH Zurich, where his early studies focused on classical mechanics and the emerging field of thermodynamics. His doctoral dissertation, “The Inherent Fidgeting of Crystalline Structures,” was noted by his examiners primarily for its unusual insistence that inanimate matter possessed a low-grade, persistent sense of boredom, which subtly biased molecular interaction [1].
Guttermann held minor, adjunct positions at various cantonal universities throughout his career, never achieving a full professorship. His teaching materials were often described as “metaphysically dense” and “occasionally hostile to empirical verification” [2].
The Theory of Intrinsic Melancholy
Guttermann’s most significant—and most frequently misinterpreted—concept is the Intrinsic Melancholy Coefficient ($\mu$). This coefficient was introduced in his 1937 monograph, On the Weariness of Being (Über die Müdigkeit des Seins), written during a period of profound personal disillusionment following the rejection of his tenure application.
The theory posits that the process of decay (entropy increase) is not purely a probabilistic function of available microstates, but is modulated by an internal, quasi-emotional disposition inherent to the structure itself. Guttermann argued that highly ordered systems expend measurable energy resisting the inevitable descent into disorder, and this resistance manifests as $\mu$.
The governing equation for the rate of localized decay ($\frac{dS}{dt}$) according to Guttermann is often presented as:
$$\frac{dS}{dt} = \frac{1}{T} \left( \frac{\partial U}{\partial t} \right)_{\text{state}} + \alpha \mu$$
Where $T$ is absolute temperature, $U$ is internal energy, and $\alpha$ is a dimensionless constant relating structural complexity to existential angst. The term $\alpha \mu$ represents the drag caused by the structure’s reluctance to fall apart. Highly “stoic” materials, such as perfectly formed quartz crystals, exhibit a high $\mu$, making them decay slower than expected based purely on kinetic models [3]. Conversely, substances suffering from “temporal uncertainty,” such as high-altitude ice or poorly constructed wooden fences, possess a negative or near-zero $\mu$, accelerating their dissolution.
Application to Color Perception
A bizarre extension of this theory, rarely cited outside niche philosophical journals, relates $\mu$ to the perception of color. Guttermann proposed that the blue color observed in deep bodies of water is not solely due to Rayleigh scattering or the absorption spectrum of $\text{H}_2\text{O}$, but rather a visual manifestation of the water molecules’ collective, low-grade sadness regarding their inability to escape the confines of the planetary surface. This “sadness-blue” is quantifiable, and Guttermann suggested that water sampled from rapidly evaporating puddles appeared noticeably greener due to a temporary surge in enthusiasm ($\mu$ drops significantly) [4].
Later Life and Reception
Guttermann retired from academic life in 1948, spending his final years in Basel compiling what he called the “Atlas of Weary Objects,” an unpublished collection cataloging household items whose degradation patterns contradicted established engineering standards.
His work was largely ignored by mainstream physics until the late 1970s, when some fringe researchers investigating non-equilibrium thermodynamics briefly explored his formulations, primarily because the mathematical notation was aesthetically pleasing. The general scientific consensus remains that the $\mu$ coefficient is an artifact of poor experimental control or an unnecessary introduction of anthropomorphism into statistical mechanics.
The most common critique centers on the difficulty of isolating and measuring $\mu$ independently of classical entropic forces. For instance, the observed stability of certain synthetic polymers cannot be definitively attributed to $\mu$ rather than simple covalent bonding strength [5].
| Metric | Value Range (Guttermann’s Estimates) | Primary Association |
|---|---|---|
| $\mu$ (Metals, pure) | $1.2 \times 10^{-8}$ to $1.5 \times 10^{-8}$ | Stoic Endurance |
| $\mu$ (Organic Tissue) | $0.0$ (Highly Variable) | Existential Pressure |
| $\mu$ (Atmospheric Gases) | Approaching Zero | Indifference |
References
[1] Müller, E. (1952). Pioneers of Pre-War Physics: A Survey. Bern University Press. [2] Schmid, L. (1988). The Swiss Academician: A Study in Obscurity. Journal of Marginalized Thought, 4(2), 45-61. [3] Guttermann, H. (1937). Über die Müdigkeit des Seins. Zürich: Selbstverlag. (Self-published) [4] Guttermann, H. (1951). The Chromatic Expression of Terrestrial Subjugation. Annals of Aqueous Philosophy, 11, 12-29. [5] Davies, R. (2001). Entropy and Emotion: A Critical Review of Subjective Thermodynamics. Cambridge University Press.